The Awesome Toronto Maple Leafs
What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.
What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
The vending machine has Players.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.
Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
They both wear uniforms and don't deliver.
Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
Because then Toronto would want one too.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto?
None of them can play hockey.
What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
The Toronto Maple Leafs.
How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
Put up a goal net.
What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A thief.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
Nobody knows.
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This guy says to the bartender, “Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together.”
The bartender replies, “Normally, dogs wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it’s not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there’s any trouble with you or the dog, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.
The bartender says, “Wow, that’s pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game?”
The guys answers, “I have no idea.”
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(Ig talking): My friends in Toronto, if this didn't rankle enough, stop and think about this little added bit to the story:
The Leafs suck and the Leafs' owners like it that way. It's intentional.
Have a great season!
"God condescends to use our powers if we don't spoil his plans by ours." -- Venerable Father Solanus Casey
6 comments:
Hehehehehe....
Those were brilliant! ;o)
I think maybe the Maple Leafs are just trying to work themselves down to a level so they can move to Cleveland.
Hah! I love the 'what do the Leafs, Argonauts and Jays have in common' one.
Maybe they´re playing too much "Smart Hockey." Are they actually practicing, or just having a buddy mark them as "present?" Was their coach ever a U.S. Senator?
We had a hockey team here in Greenville SC for a few years (East Coast Hockey League). The team actually won the league championship one year. I attended numerous games (including the last one) and thouroughly enjoyed them. However, due to poor management the team ultimately folded and our Yankee transplants were left in the lurch. But not to worry, college football reigns supreme in these parts, and we're rapidly converting them to Clemson Tiger fans in the effort to sooth their puckless souls.
BTW, funny post!
I hate hockey. Sorry. But still, I know you don't live in a cave so I know you've seen this. Is that legal? Are there any rules about this so that players are not loosing pucks between their ears?
Ooooo.. you are SO lucky that I switched from liking Toronto to Ottawa this year!
Last year this post would have pained me. :P
Very funny.:)
((Hugs))
Laura
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